Monday, December 22, 2008
New Rules for 2009
I often find that when I get an idea or have a story to tell, I'll take forever to state facts, dance around the main points and wander through references and metaphors like Dennis Miller with a lower SAT score.
So in 2009 I'm going to try and be a little more succinct and get to the point with some sort of efficiency.
However, in return, I'm going to need the following buzzwords, phrases and sayings to no longer exist...or at least have usage reduced by 35-40%.
"throw _____(me, you, him, her) under the bus" - there is no reason that lame management-speak should enter our vocabularies
"douchebag", "d-bag", or any iteration of "douche" - so cliche and overused I forget that its actually a device used to clean the post-coitus vaginal cavity, which is the actual definition of cliche`
saying "I heart _________(something)" - we all get the joke, its not that funny, no longer cute and definitely no longer original
referring to an older woman as a "cougar" - when my mother who lives in Sacramento thinks its cool to throw this word around, its lost any amount of worth it may have had, even worse, when a woman refers to herself as a "cougar"...gross
using the word(its actually an adverb) "fundamentally" before describing something - this reached unbearable levels during the presidential race, so hopefully it will see a natural 40% dropoff, but seriously, this isn't Scrabble, you don't get bonus points just because its a big word and saying "fundamentally" doesn't make you sound smarter when you say it before EVERYTHING
saying "I just threw up a little in my mouth" - a surprising funny line from a very unfunny movie. Way to go unoriginal, unfunny people, you killed this one
Any other ideas for the 2009 compost pile?
Posted by Nob Hill Forreal at 11:45 PM