Monday, December 22, 2008

New Rules for 2009


I often find that when I get an idea or have a story to tell, I'll take forever to state facts, dance around the main points and wander through references and metaphors like Dennis Miller with a lower SAT score.
So in 2009 I'm going to try and be a little more succinct and get to the point with some sort of efficiency.
However, in return, I'm going to need the following buzzwords, phrases and sayings to no longer exist...or at least have usage reduced by 35-40%.

"throw _____(me, you, him, her) under the bus" - there is no reason that lame management-speak should enter our vocabularies

"douchebag", "d-bag", or any iteration of "douche" - so cliche and overused I forget that its actually a device used to clean the post-coitus vaginal cavity, which is the actual definition of cliche`

saying "I heart _________(something)" - we all get the joke, its not that funny, no longer cute and definitely no longer original

referring to an older woman as a "cougar" - when my mother who lives in Sacramento thinks its cool to throw this word around, its lost any amount of worth it may have had, even worse, when a woman refers to herself as a "cougar"...gross

using the word(its actually an adverb) "fundamentally" before describing something - this reached unbearable levels during the presidential race, so hopefully it will see a natural 40% dropoff, but seriously, this isn't Scrabble, you don't get bonus points just because its a big word and saying "fundamentally" doesn't make you sound smarter when you say it before EVERYTHING

saying "I just threw up a little in my mouth" - a surprising funny line from a very unfunny movie. Way to go unoriginal, unfunny people, you killed this one

Any other ideas for the 2009 compost pile?

9 comments:

Lisa said...

A few additions:

-Strike "At The End Of The Day" from any and all speech, especially when wrapping up a point.

-Internet shorthand, "words" like WTF, LOL, or any others I'm not hip enough to know.

-Holler. In all contexts.

I'm sure there are more, I just can't think of them. Great idea though, I'm on board.

TheTOB said...

Lisa: "WTF" and "Holler. In all contexts."

I take these as personal affronts.

Good day to you.


I SAID GOOD DAY!

Lindsey said...

"in this day and age..." don't know why, just please make it stop.

Sheyna Greenamyer said...

'That's what she said!' Gentlemen, that line needs to die. It was really never funny to begin with. And if 'she' was to say something about you boys, it would be that you have a small penis that bends to the left.

and now I SAY GOOD DAY!

Turner said...

is that the one and only Mr. Ross???? HELLA YEAH!!!!!

Turner said...

oh also I'll add to the list,

-"Essentially" annoys me, I think its on the same lines as "fundamentally", and my brother says it every third word, which is annoying.

-anything from Austin Powers movies, not sure if those words/phrases are still being used, but if they are I hate them.

Totally agree with "at the end of the day", why does it always have to be at the end of the day, why can't consequences be felt earlier in the day?

Oh, and anything from entourage.

*RyRowe* said...

glad someone FINALLY commented on the Icy Hot Stuntaz pic...awesome

Big Deal said...

I would like if 2008 was the end of bluetooth headsets. I am willing to deal with the supposed increase in traffic accident if I A)don't ever have to ware one again, and B) Never have to see cool guys rocking them to clubs, ball games, titty bars, etc...

Sheyna Greenamyer said...

When can I collect on my 'if i dont post once a week i owe you a drink' drink?