Monday, December 15, 2008

Sex=Baseball

So in talking with a friend a few weeks ago about things such as world news, politics and the economy; the topic of certain sexual exploits arose within our freakishly witty and insightful banter. More specifically, contemporary dating rituals and the escalation of affection between two anxious canoodlers. The conversation did not get far before I realized, my friend and I were not in clear understanding of what I would like to call...
The Definitions of Love (said in sexy Barry White voice).
So for greater societal good, let's go ahead and clear this up once and for all.

1st Base - Kissing on the lips, non-gratuitous making out, physical embrace

2nd Base - 1st base + light touching of erogenous zones

3rd Base - 1st & 2nd base + oral stimulation

Home Run - Fornication

Now, I realize the bulk of the confusion comes in the baserunning technique and aggressiveness on the base path. There is huge difference between trotting up to 1st base with a single and rounding the bag and making an aggressive move toward 2nd, and I don't think I need to explain why.
God bless...Baseball, what a beautiful game.

6 comments:

Lindsey said...

was this a certain gmail convo we had which led ultimately to discussing your fave base, the good ole, all american handy?

Sheyna Greenamyer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sheyna Greenamyer said...

Baseball is by far the best and most well known when it comes to defining the advancement of stages of love or as you put it, the 'escalation of affection between two anxious canoodlers.' But that would just be a U.S. thing. If you really want to get international define the stages in these sports. www.inventorspot.com/articles/10 _weird_sports_from_around_the_world_15185

Big Deal said...

Ya but it kind works the opposite of baseball too. I find that the older I get the less likely it is I get to third with out crossing home in a few different ball games. Where when I was a few years younger I could get to third with much less effort than home plate. And when I did reach home plate it was due purely to aggression on the base paths and being able to take advantage of a moment of indecision by the catcher.
Further more I'd like to know what the following equivalents would be: Hitting for the cycle, the strike em out throw em out double play, stealing first on a passed ball, and the ground rule double?

TheTOB said...

Hitting for the Cycle has to be getting to all 4 bases (and no further) with 4 different girls in the same...let's say weekend.

With Girl 1 you can only get to first, and no more.
With Girl 2, you can only get to second...etc.

A strike em out, throw em out double play...this would be when a girl, in a short span of time (say, 5 minutes) turns down one guy from trying to kiss her at a bar and then slaps another guy who tries to grope her in a crowd. The first guy never even got out of the batter's box. The next guy was thrown out as he tried to steal second.

Stealing first on a passed ball...hmm. Oh. Of course. You strike out earlier in the night, but as the girl gets drunker, she figures what the hell...and makes out with you.

Ground rule double... jizzing in your pants during some heavy petting, haha. You only got to second, but the ball goes out of play.

Big Deal said...

@ The TOB
Brilliant!